“This is the last time..".”
My time here on the farm is winding down. I’ve only got one week left! This is the part of any countdown that I’m not fond of. I get wistful whenever I come to the end of a season in life, and start thinking “This is that last time I’ll…” It happens every time I move from one location to another; when I moved from back to the States from a few years abroad in South Korea, every time I’ve moved apartments or neighborhoods in Chicago, when I’ve changed jobs, sometimes even when a coworker leaves a job. Since I’ve been in my final weeks of my internship, I’m painfully aware of all the lasts that I’m experiencing again. This past Friday was the last harvest, and the last pizza night of the season, and the last time working together with those people. Today was the last time I’ll be helping out in the kitchen for breakfast. In the coming days I’ll be working my last shifts in the garden.
I’m currently feeling conflicted about going back home. I’m very excited to be back in my neighborhood and community, and friends I’ve been away from for the past 5 months. I’m excited to be back in my cozy apartment, and be back in an urban setting and the convenience of it. But at the same time, I know I’m going to miss this farm, this land, the space, the stars, the short trek through the woods down to the lower farm, my little garden plot, the wonderful produce from the garden, and most of all, the people I’ve gotten to know and work with. I’m going to miss this pace of life, where I don’t have to spend hours of my day on public transit getting to work, and instead can spend that time creating, or resting, or wandering the land, or foraging.
I guess part of life is accepting that there can be two conflicting truths existing at the same time, or that you can feel conflicting emotions at once. I’m both excited to go home, and sad to be leaving. My heart is being pulled back to Evanston, yet also clinging to what I’ve grown to love here. I’ve yet to learn how to truly embrace the dichotomy of happiness and sorrow. How do you tell people you’ve gotten to know well that they’ve brought you joy and friendship, while also saying goodbye? How can you want to leave a place, while also wanting to stay? I guess I’ll have to figure it out, because the other reality of life is that time goes on, and things must come to an end. I’ll just be expecting to shed some tears here and there in these final days on this farm!
On a brighter note, some recent highlights here, have included going to the farmers market, our harvest festival and seeing the Northern Lights! Our main “export” place of produce has been the Peoria farmers market, which happened on Saturday mornings. Since part of my internship includes helping with food service, my Saturday mornings have been taken up with serving breakfast. BUT I FINALLY got to tag along with James to the market! On the last possible day! And it was a lot of fun! The Peoria market is situated right next to a river, and has a wide variety of farmers and artisans, and I had a good time wandering around it during a slow period. Farmers markets are one of my favorite things about summer, and I’ve missed going to them! Ironic, since I’ve been ON a farm all summer!
We also hosted our annual Harvest Festival here on the farm, where we had a variety of activities to participate in, though I spent most of the time in the kitchen helping to make pizzas that we were selling throughout the day.
And I finally got to see the Northern lights that were visible here this past week! I went out with fellow farm staffer Brandie on Thursday night, and we sat in the meadow on the upper farm and tried to get pictures of the lights, while chatting with an Airbnb guest who came out to watch them too. There was also a display of lights the weekend I arrived on the farm, but I was too caught up with getting oriented that I didn’t make it out to see them, so I’m so glad I was able to see them for a bit this time around! I even caught a shooting star!
Please send positive thoughts for this last week on the farm so that I can savor these last days and keep it together!
